I Heard You

I heard you say.

I heard you laugh.

I watched you look away.

I watched you take a bath.

Thinking I was asleep.

I heard you creep.

Found you in the arms of another man.

Nothing can erase the damage that you've done.

I heard you say.

I heard you swear.

Lovingly you kissed me & walked away.

Slowly you lovingly stole my heart away.

Knowing I was yours you took advantage of me.

Promising me that you'd never hurt me.

I heard you on the phone.

I heard him on the other line.

Thinking everything would be okay.

I destroyed every photograph--set every lie of fire.

What you did will never fly by me.

I don't forgive & forget.

Apocalypse Now

Are we entering the end times!? It would seem so. When I close my eyes I see flashes of our end. My head's reeling, my heart's racing at the thought of living out my days awaiting the end. Silently I pray, maybe to no avail, but still I pray. I ask for a chance to live a life full of mistakes & regrets. For it is better to have lived than to have never lived at all--mistakes & all. Leaving the t.v. on all through the night, lest I awake to find that I've been left behind. Stifled in my own hysteria; I wonder what criteria is required to fall into hysteria? There's nothing left for me to do but to sit in solitude & wait for the beatitude's to reign down from on high. With my eyes turned towards the sky, I watch for a glimmer, a ray of light to shine down from heaven.

Safe & Sound

I awoke in a wonderland full of strange & elusive dreams. Picking myself up off the crystal ground I stood in awe, staring at a sea of amethyst stretching as far as the eye can sea. Feeling a cool breeze kissing me softly on the back of my neck, I turned and stood in amazement at the beauty of this alien world. Skies of different hues with birds of prey hovering overhead. Venturing through the woodland of silver trees & forbidden fruit, I closed my eyes & traveled blindly till I found myself safe & sound at home, finally.

Lady Gaga Over You

Strumming the strings of a guitar. Staring at the flame, wondering where you are. Stuck on you like fly paper. I can't shake the thought of you. Looking out the window staring at the stars. I feel you in my veins, I feel you on my lips. Patiently waiting by the phone. Hoping one day you'll call, just to say hey! Supposing anyone like you could ever love someone like me. It's stupid I know, but I can't help but feel inadequate when I'm next to you. Trying to shake this love sickness, enough of these thoughts unabated it's time to get situated. Tuning the thought of you out of earshot. Turning the t.v. & stereo on, trying to flood my head with static noise--to quiet the memory of you. Listening to Ke$ha Take It Off, watching Khourtney & Khloe Take Miami. I still see you in the back of my mind. There with your smile so warm & your voice so kind. If only I could go back & rewind: press replay & play the fool. I know I can feel so cold & over-brimmingly full of myself, but believe me, to truly get to know me you have to be patient. Everything I do is an act. Entertaining the masses with my mystique & ahead of its time sense of humor. I'm not full of drama just full of commas. Do I wear you out? Am I too out there for for your conservative values? When the cameras roll I need to find my light, I need to hit my marks just right. A professional at heart; I hit like an unexpected tidal wave, tearing your little world apart. Don't take everything I have to say to heart, I don't know what I'm saying half the time. Just empty dribble running from my mouth. I need a true friend, a steel love. Nothing I ever do is enough for me, I need to be something more, so much more. I hear you knocking at my door, trying to ignore you like I did before. I need you lying on top of me to stop these rhetoric spasms from shooting out my mouth. How I'd love to just give in to you. To surrender everything I am to you. If you find this letter, I hope you see things clearer & know I'm Lady Gaga in love with you.

Dead Bury Dead

It all happened during a summers night. Everything that could be said came out. Walking neighborhood streets in search of closure. Trying to mend the damage that had been done. Wondering how it all began. Skipping stones against the pavement, calling out to the gods of treachery. Beseeching an unknown god in hopes of soothing the violent lull that's befallen me. Traveling down unfamiliar territory, lost in a maze of emotions--trying to find a clear-cut way to answer the thousand & one questions piling up in my head. Stuck standing in the middle of an open grave, watching us children misbehave. Feeling so wicked, like a lovesick undercover mister wizard. Breaking boundaries, setting the world on fire with my imagination. You can't escape the Hennessey in this town. You need a password to submit your answers as to why I need so many answers to my questions. Skimming the pages of our history. It's come to attention that everything is the white man's fault. Shooting thoughts out the mouth like a catapult. Feeling feelings I don't want to express. I just want to undress & fall into bed. Staring at the dirty ceiling of my misbehavior, I can be such a whore. Overindulging in the sensory of the eyes, leaving my heart exposed. Watching love ascend like fire & descend like snow. How do I know if whether or not I'll ever fall in love? Right now all I need is a promise: a vow to remain honest & always funny. Sinking in the brevity of my creativity. Slipping in & out of creative genius. Scribbling every thought that pops up in my head, like a vh1 pop-up video. Viewing memories from a projector in the basement of my psyche. Laughing at the comedy, devastated by the tragedy of having said what I said. It's time to put everything to bed & let the dead bury the dead.

Feelings of Inadequacy

Staring at the stars in a field of childhood memories. Sitting beneath the soft glow of the moonlight, wondering where it all went wrong. I used to be so strong, so sure of myself--but lately I've been struggling with growing older. I'm not a boy anymore, it's time for me to assert myself or so I'm told. I've always been aimless, never planning how I'd choose to live my life. Never choosing goals for myself, because I'd always figured I'd have tomorrow to figure things out. The time for adolescent indecisiveness is over. I'm twenty-six now; what more do I have to think about--to sort out? I know I've always been free-spirited, but never so confused. Struggling to clear my muddied head. Weighed down with pressure from all fronts: friends, family, society, people I've never met. Slowly becoming an insomniac, thanks to the stress of everyday pressures of having to choose between fame or mediocrity. Pressured into becoming something greater than I am. Brainwashed into believing that I'm something special; something unique. When the truth is we all posses the same capacity for greatness. Staring at myself in the mirror, looking at what I'm becoming. Am I the man I want to be? or just the product of a hollow society that gives more praise & accolades to beauty & physique vs. morality. Clawing at the television screen from time to time, wishing everything could be the way I want it to be. Needing a sense of accomplishment from time to time. I don't ask for much just a little bit here & there. I hope this nightmare of indecisiveness will end soon, I don't know how much longer I can bare these feelings of inadequacy--wishing I were young again.

Shadow Dancer

All the noise, all the voices. Some choices are better left unexplored. Shifting in & out of consciousness, pretending to be a sleep half the time. Wondering about the time...perhaps I'm the making of my demise? Shrugging insults off my penitent shoulders, shaking the dust off my shoes in hopes of seeing the world in ruins. Visiting New York City in a dream, chasing an unknown face through the streets of California. Taking chances on something that may never happen. I can feel it in my bones, this knowing of something greater than myself. Here comes the sun. Trying not to get hurt as I say what's weighing on my heart. Tip-toeing across the sea. Looking for sympathy & worth in a world with little integrity. Supposing what is better: a life full of laughter or a world full of wonder? Slowly sinking under floor boards--drifting in & out of hollow words.