Feelings of Inadequacy

Staring at the stars in a field of childhood memories. Sitting beneath the soft glow of the moonlight, wondering where it all went wrong. I used to be so strong, so sure of myself--but lately I've been struggling with growing older. I'm not a boy anymore, it's time for me to assert myself or so I'm told. I've always been aimless, never planning how I'd choose to live my life. Never choosing goals for myself, because I'd always figured I'd have tomorrow to figure things out. The time for adolescent indecisiveness is over. I'm twenty-six now; what more do I have to think about--to sort out? I know I've always been free-spirited, but never so confused. Struggling to clear my muddied head. Weighed down with pressure from all fronts: friends, family, society, people I've never met. Slowly becoming an insomniac, thanks to the stress of everyday pressures of having to choose between fame or mediocrity. Pressured into becoming something greater than I am. Brainwashed into believing that I'm something special; something unique. When the truth is we all posses the same capacity for greatness. Staring at myself in the mirror, looking at what I'm becoming. Am I the man I want to be? or just the product of a hollow society that gives more praise & accolades to beauty & physique vs. morality. Clawing at the television screen from time to time, wishing everything could be the way I want it to be. Needing a sense of accomplishment from time to time. I don't ask for much just a little bit here & there. I hope this nightmare of indecisiveness will end soon, I don't know how much longer I can bare these feelings of inadequacy--wishing I were young again.